A woman of real beauty smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress and grows brave by reflection and prayers.

Hidup memang problem. Kita akan semakin dewasa dan matang apabila bertemu kegagalan. Setiap kali kita menangis, kita akan mendapat kepuasannya. Sudah takdir, tidak boleh ditolak lagi. Pokoknya, kita mesti hidup atas kegagalan ini. Orang yang belum pernah luka, belum pernah kecewa, belum pernah menderita, tidak akan dapat benar-benar rasa nikmat kebahgiaan itu.

English translation:

Life is a problem. We will mature and be wiser as we meet with failures. Everytime we cry, we will feel the satisfaction. It’s fated. We can’t push it away. No matter what, we have to live with this failure. People who haven’t felt the hurt, haven’t felt the disappointment, haven’t felt the sufferings, will not really feel the pleasure of this happiness.

Saturday (March 6):

Yesterday nite I cried myself 2 sleep… stress is getting d best of me… I guess… I dono y… I m juz in n emotional roller-coaster I guess… every lil ting oso I cry… I hv 2 admit dat… juz nw b4 going 2 skool 4 a project meeting wif maz… I cry… I cried non-stop in d bathrm… dat is d reason y I was late maz… sori… in d end I had 2 take a cab 2 skool cos if not I wld b extremely late… n wen I met maz… wif a black face… maz noe me long enuf 2 noe dat I hv a prob wif my mom without me telling her dat… again I almost cried… tears were welling up in my eyes… but it took me so much strength not 2 cry in front of wahidah… n in public… so much so dat I kept my mouth shut n did my part 4 d project quietly… if not I mite juz burst out n cry… den after keeping quiet 4 a long time I tink… I joined in d grp discussion 4 our social psycho application qn… sori maz dat I didn’t discuss much… den I wen home… it took me another huge amount of strength not 2 throw tings ard d house… in d end I stuffed myself one huge choc bun n two choc cakes… den I put my mind off tings 4 a while by cleaning out my closet… literally… den I get myself back in front of d laptop n do my project… wen my mom was home… I kept my mouth shut… if dere is a need 2 ans her qns den my ans r mostly yes, no, dono, wateva lah, mmm, ah… dats all… I dono y… I juz don wanna talk… she kept on asking me abt my tests… n I don wanna talk abt my test or exams or studies or wateva shit dat I m stressing myself out for… I m stressed over it n talking abt it will make me feel more shitty den I m feeling rite nw… I already felt stupid… her talking abt it make me feel more stupid… talk abt dumb n dumber… haiz… den I wen online n did my project… haiz… I hv abt 33 slides under discrimination n increasing… I still hv other docs n books 2 read… I had 2 find abt discrimination against gays n lesbians… n nw dat I remember… I 4got 2 check out 4 religious discrimination… haiz… nw I hv 2 do it tml… but rite nw… I need sum sleep… a gd nite sleep…

Sunday (March 7):

I spent my whole dae doing social psycho project… I was literally pulling my hair out bcos of the project… I can honestly say I hv more den 60 slides nw… n dat includes 53 slides frm Wayne… n I bet abt more den 50 slides frm Maz s well… so… u do ur math… n dats not all… I spent d whole nite wrecking my brains off 4 fmgt n cma… n s I didn’t go 4 d fmgt lect last Friday… I hv absolutely no idea how 2 do d tutorial… aarrrrggghhh… n cma… worse still… don’t even noe wat I was supposed 2 ans… haiz… so dats all 4 2dae… I noe… I noe… it was boring… but wat 2 do… dis is my life… BORING!!!

Monday (March 8):

I got back my fmgt paper… n I passed… thank god… mrs teo… my tutor n oso my mentor… paid a lot of attention 2 me dat dae… dono y… but who complains abt dat… I noe I will feel veri comfortable asking qns if I hv any doubts… n shes great… veri approachable… n I heard frm Cheryl dat jack wans 2 talk 2 mrs teo… I guess jack wans 2 withdraw frm d sch… well… it’s a gd decision 4 him if he was 2 do dat… cos I hv absolutely no idea how many classes he has already skipped… n I can honestly say he is totally close 2 getting himself debarred frm fmgt n ief… so I guess if I were him… I wld withdraw myself out… its better dat way… so wen Cheryl told mrs teo 2 call him… mrs teo was reali cute… she said ok… den after dat she turned ard n said… wait a min… he shld b calling me… n d whole class laughed… n guess wat… after lunch while we were going 2 d library… behind d exam hall… deres dis slope downwards… n guess wat happen… cos it was raining… I fell… yup… I juz fell… it was so embarrassing… but who cares wen my butt is painful… den after dat was cma… well… it was same old… still boring… n my fren sumon asked d tutor mr ng wen is d retest… n he said deres no retest until d second test… den we all agreed dat we will ultimately die if dat were 2 happen… den he said ya… u guys will die… n we were like choy ar… I guess it is a hint 4 d whole class abt d result… haha… so newayz… I m quite angry 2dae… I was juz sumhow… accidentally… if dats d rite word 2 say dat is… whatever lah… newayz… I was accidentally looking @ Vincent wen he was standing up… I mean… I was actually looking @ every1 who stood up… I m ezly distracted mah… newayz… den I dono y… but he like looking @ me n said hes going 2 d toilet… I was like… puzzled… I mean… ok… u wan 2 go toilet go lah… I mean… is dere a need 2 tell me dat… *roll eyes* … its so pathetic… so 2dae… in conclusion… a lil sucky…

Tuesday (March 9):

2dae is d “lect marathon dae”… n 4 cma I hv no notes… so in d end we went 2 d library n ate d ‘famous’ hotdog… yum yum… den after dat we wen back 2 d same lect theatre 4 ief lect… beginning frm 2dae ms wong will b our ief lecturer… n shes great… she explains reali well… nice lah… den she announced d ief retest… n d retest will b veri hard… so I hv 2 work doubly hard 4 d retest… haiz… newayz… since she doesn’t noe my class pple n b06 class pple… she out of nowhere… bad luck… go n said… b01 subject rep… I was like shit lah… dead… all dose who noe me turns ard… shit lah… damn paiseh down dere… haiz… but lucky can ans d qn lah… heng ar… if not more paiseh… den after dat was hrm… den sumhow Solomon came up 2 me n suddenly ask how I m… m I ok… den I said ya… I guess he noes frm Emily no less… or Vincent… either 1… abt my prob… I mean… Emily knew I was in a depression during last wk… den Vincent knew my prob wif my mom… so I guess Solomon knew abt it dats y he asked how I was… so newayz… I ignored Vincent totally… n wen Solomon called me n asked abt tml’s ief n whos going 2 present… I was looking @ him n noticed Vincent looking @ me concerned or sumting… I cant make up wat… so newayz… I like turned 2 solomon n totally ignored Vincent s if he was invisible… dono how I did dat but I did… haha… kinda hard 4 me… but I was trying 2 c if I can make myself not 2 luv him anymore… I guess I need time…

Wednesday (March 10):

2dae a lil stressful… I was 2 hand out d test papers back 2 d class… n collected them back in register order… wah… stress sia… if I don’t… or I do it wrongly… die… y… my mark wld b sum1 else’s mark… n vice versa… so I had 2 do it correctly… n wen I collected it back… so stress out… I was like… ok… who cums after who… n d whole class r kinda united… dey were like… ok mine is after who n who… n it was great… even koh poh tee said dat our class r united s she cld c frm our papers… bcos deres dis 1 qn on BIMST-EC… n 4 dat qn it pushed up our marks cos jaslin told one person den it was chain reaction… everybody told everybody else… so she compared 2 another class who didn’t do dat… n most of dem got it wrong… so I was kinda proud of my class… hehe… newayz… abt d test papers thingy… Vincent looking @ my stress face… told me 2 ask koh poh tee 4 d class register… I was wondering whether she has it cos I noe she wldnt… but wat d hell… I ask… n d ans I got was… no… I was like shit… I knew it… den shuting has d class register… den I checked… I got it correctly… everybody is in their places… so I counted 18 pple minus jack… n gave it back 2 her… so den after dat a bit hectic… I met maz 4 d social psycho… keep on running frm 1 place 2 another… haiz… we walked reali fast 2 d canteen 2 grab sumting 2 eat… n I saw Solomon dey all… n den wen I walked back… jaslin saw me den I waved back… n I was practically running… 2 d meeting place… haiz… but go dere… wah… I feel like smacking d hell off wayne… cos hes damn late… not 5 not 20… 1 whole damn hours late… but we practiced… but still haven finish… den I met d rest 4 blaw project… n d rain n dis stupid band dat played loud music… not rock… I mean dey played rock… but it was loud… even wen dey played jazz… its still loud… n den after dat it rains… n it sux… our laptops r wet… so we ended up walking back 2 d canteen… dere I saw Vincent dey all… dey were doing d blaw project I guess… n I gung ho gung ho… go n look over Vincent’s laptop… dono wat I was tinking… den again… I walked back n wen 2 sit sumplace else… den after dat frm den on I kept going back n forth… not cos I wanna c him or sumting… or dat I hv nothing betta 2 do… its cos my fly was open… hehe… oops… haha… d 1st rd I walked 2 d toilet it was being cleaned… n d 2nd time I wen in luckily d cleaning already finish… den after dat I wen home wif maz… actually we wanted 2 print out d slides… but bcos its near 2 5 p.m. n @ 5 d printer @ d sch cannot b used anymore… we decided 2 go home since maz juz remembered dat she had 2 go 2 her cuzzin’s house… so den I met my best fren… shahidah… den we took bus 61 2gether… den guess wat happen… I fell… AGAIN… dis is d 2nd time I fell in a wk… dis wk is like a bad luck wk 4 me or sumting… haiz… so paiseh… luckily b4 I fell rite on d floor… shahidah grabbed my hand… gd reflex… haha… so dat has been my dae 2dae… I was reali energetic… I guess dats wat best fren can do 4 u… thnx pal… I had a rough patch… n cos of u… my world seems so carefree again…

Thursday (March 11):

I had a great dae 2dae… amy my social psycho tutor said our presentation is excellent… its veri detailed… juz need 2 compress it… haha… but it was great… I was told by wayne dat I was reali comical in d beginning until @ d end where I had 2 rush thru n I was totally focused on d whole thingy… n he tot dat it was reali scary… haha… talk abt split personality… but it was great 2 b told dat I was comical… @ least pple laughed @ my jokes… haha… I was comical not bcos I wan 2… but bcos I was so damn nervous… n wen I m nervous I talk crap… n dat crap seems 2 turn out funny everytime… hehe… so it was great… but I was kinda pissed off @ devan 2dae… devan is my teammate 4 my French project… I said dat I wanted 2 do d intro in English… n he said dat I had 2 do it in French… den I changed my mind… n told him 2 do it… den he said he don wan… den ok… I said d intro in English… who cares… den after dat @ d bus stop b4 I wen home… he said I was proud… dat I wan 2 do d intro in French… who says abt me wanting 2 do d intro in French… I neva said dat I wan 2 do d intro in French… aarrggghhh… irritating… so I told him off… I was so angry… if its my normal dae… I probably wont tell him off… but bcos its d dae wen I was reali sleepy… I had onli 2 hrs of sleep… n plus… I reached sch @ 6.40 am… 2 do d social psycho project… last min changes n everyting… so I was pissed off… but I felt bad cos I told him off on his b-dae… yup… it was his b-dae… but he juz irritate d hell out of me… I hate wen pple accuse me of doing sumting dat I didn’t do… “Sumtimes sum pple get me wrong… 4 sumting I’ve said or done…” haiz… wateva it is… I was so angry dat I had 2 clench my fist… if not I mite juz fool him in public more… dats how I m wen I m angry… cant help it… haiz…

Friday (March 12):

2dae I wen 2 sch onli 4 2 hrs… haiz… I had fmgt lect… d lect was great… do u noe dat we had a fmgt song… it is in tune wif stand up s’pore song… haha… its so funny wen I listen 2 d guy singing… he can b d next William hung… haha… talking abt William hung… do u noe dat wee kiong… my dear fren is called d William hung of s’pore… so bad… where do I heard dat frm… I dono if I had said dis b4 but… deres dis gurl… I was @ d bus stop waiting 4 my frens… n dis gurl who was talking on d phone LOUDLY… she was walking wif her frens… n den she said dat she saw willliam hung of s’pore… d catch is dat d guy dat she was talking abt… wee kiong… was standing in front of her… n wen she saw him she suddenly shut her gap… I dono whether I wan 2 cry 4 her or laugh @ her… but I opt 4 d latter… haha… lucky 4 her wee kiong didn’t hear her… either dat or he pretended not 2 hear her… but dat gurl is such a big mouth… I wonder how she got a bf… n how her bf can stand her big gap… cos she has a big 1… ok… I m being mean… but hey… dats my fren shes talking abt dere… fine… wee kiong is not gd looking like his bestest fren… u noe who… but hey… it doesn’t mean dat she has 2 say dat LOUDLY… such a LOUD person she is… oh well… nvm… n since we r on d topic of William hung… I juz watched uncut uncensored n untalented… I was laughing n laughing non stop watching d show… deres dis 1 gurl tho dat I tot was quite gd… d army gurl… her voice is not bad… well… @ least she cld sing betta den me… haha… so newayz… d main ting is I m always wondering y William hung got so famous… he doesn’t hv d look… he doesn’t hv d voice… hes a total geek… but how come he so famous ar… I guess I got my ans during d show… hes veri down 2 earth… veri honest… n did tings sincerely… which is hard 2 find in a person actually… so kudos 2 him… n best of luck 4 his future…

Princess Siti Grint is feeling obsessed on 2004-03-13 at 11:56 p.m.

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